When OCD Makes You Question Your Every Intention: "Did I Actually Want That?"

Have you ever had a thought so disturbing that you immediately asked yourself: "Wait, did I actually want that? Was it my intent to have this thought or do this behavior?"

Maybe you're doing an exposure your therapist suggested and wondering: "Am I only doing this because I want to have these thoughts? I want these feelings. Is my intent pure? Am I only doing exposures because I want all these things - because maybe I like it?"

Let's cut through the noise. I'm going to explain why your brain questions your desires and intent, and show you real treatment strategies for this exhausting pattern.

OCD: The Doubting Disorder Strikes Again

We already know OCD is the doubting disorder. It's going to make you doubt and question anything and everything - even when you're doing something beneficial for yourself.

Naturally, we don't usually have to question our intentions. We just kind of know when we did something wrong - it's typically in the background of our awareness. But OCD brings this to the surface and says: "Cool, let's figure out everything. Let's make sure your intentions were good. You're a good person."

It starts questioning your thoughts and turns them into moral crises.

The Grocery Store Bump: Intent vs. Accident

Here's an example: bumping into somebody at the grocery store. Normally, we just say "Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there." Most of the time, they're fine with it.

But someone with OCD might think: "Was it my intent to bump into them on purpose? Did I want to do that? Did I like the feeling I got from that?"

Let's think about this logically for a moment. Picture this scenario:

Intentional Version: I'm at home with my sketchbook, planning: "I'm going to the grocery store. I'm going to find somebody and bump into them." I write it down, plan it all out, walk into the store ready to execute my plan. I find that person - boom. That's intent.

Accidental Version: I bump into someone in the store. "Oh, I'm so sorry!"

Take those two scenarios together. Which one has more intent? When you put them side by side, it's pretty obvious. But OCD doesn't look at obvious.

The "Maybe, Maybe Not" Response

Unless you are 100% sure (which doesn't often happen with OCD), we're saying: "Maybe I did it on purpose. Maybe it was my intent to run into them. Maybe it was my intent to harm this person. Maybe it was my intent to do this exposure because I want these feelings."

Maybe, maybe not. Those are the magic words. We don't want to figure this stuff out anymore. We want it to just be in the background.

You ultimately will know when you intended to do something wrong because we tend to feel guilt, shame, and regret. We learn from it and move on.

Looking at the Deeper Meaning

I often like to look at the meaning behind the intent questioning: What does it mean for you that you feel like you intended to do something?

It's usually not really about hitting someone at the grocery store or knocking into them. It's about:

• "I don't want to be misunderstood"
• "I don't want to go to jail"
• "I want to be a good person"
• "I'm kind - and questioning my intent doesn't make me kind"

That's what we often do exposures about. We might write stories or exposure scripts about how maybe you're not as kind as you think you are. Maybe you're just hiding. Maybe it's your intent to feel all these feelings.

"Yeah, I love it." We change the way you're responding to take complete value away from it. "I'm done with this thing. I'm not doing it anymore."

The Pop-Up Ad Analogy

I think of intent questioning like pop-up ads on a computer. They pop up, and you get to choose whether to click on them or not. You actually have that choice.

OCD insists that you analyze the ad, look at it, make sure you click on it "just in case." But you can think of intent questioning like that pop-up: "Intent's gonna pop up like an ad maybe. I don't know. Keep scrolling."

We keep scrolling by not giving it power, by not trying to figure it out.

Why Reasoning Doesn't Work

Reasoning your way out does not work. The more you try to figure it out, the more that quicksand just keeps taking you down. Stop struggling.

Pretty much with OCD, if you even question your intent, you already know the answer: "I'm questioning. My answer is maybe. I don't know."

ERP for Intent Obsessions

It's easy to just say "Stop thinking about it. Your intent is great. Who cares? We make mistakes sometimes." But it's not that easy.

With exposure and response prevention (ERP), we're actually facing the fears. If you cannot stop thinking about that person you bumped into at the store, your exposure might be:

• Going to the store and walking as close as you can to people
• With every person you walk by, stepping maybe one or two steps closer
• Saying internally: "Ooh, I might bump you. I might run into you. I hope so. Maybe it's my intent. I do not care anymore."

It might feel very awkward and weird. You might accidentally bump into them. But that's the exposure.

The Cold Pool Analogy

Think of a really cold swimming pool. If you just put your toes in, it has power - "This is cold!" Put your foot in, still cold. Put part of your leg in, still cold.

The idea: let's just jump into that thing. "Oh man, it's cold! I'm freezing!" You're bouncing around, but then it goes away and feels better because you just got in.

But if you're like "Nope, too cold, not doing that," then all your brain remembers is that the pool is cold. You didn't give yourself the experience to just be in it.

What About Serious Harm?

"But what if I actually hurt somebody?" Well, things like that happen. We make mistakes. We trip people. We're helping our kids cut something and we cut our own hand or theirs. Things happen.

The brain's going to say: "Ooh, this is that moment. Let's figure it out. You probably wanted to."

Your response: "Yeah, I guess so. Sure. Cool. Amazing. Awesome. Love it. Thanks for the thought."

The reason I'm responding that way is because I'm questioning my intent - and that might be the indication. If I'm even thinking about it, questioning it, then I'm not responding the way OCD wants me to.

Focus on Living in the Present

Ultimately, we do not need to know for sure if your intentions were good, if they were bad, if you're a good person, or if you're a bad person.

Life is here right now. What are you doing today? That's what we're focusing on:

• Are you going to exercise?
• Play video games?
• Play with your kids?
• Go swimming?

Go do those things. That's today. Tomorrow, what are you going to do? Keep living life.

When intent questioning comes in, you're like: "I remember you. I don't know, but I'm going to do this thing anyway." You know if you're morally right or wrong - we just have to trust that's in there. You don't have to think about it. It's supposed to be in the background.

Recognizing the Pattern

Something you can start doing: notice a pattern. If you're having the same thought over and over and it's bringing anxiety or distress to your life, and you just cannot solve it, we might just say it's OCD.

OCD means: "I've got to take value away from this thing. It doesn't matter unless I make it matter." It feels so important, I know. But we might say: "I'm not just thinking about this once - I'm thinking about it a lot. So my job is to live life here in the moment and take value away from it."

That's what you do by:

• Doing an exposure
• Giving responses like "maybe, maybe not"
• Not analyzing your intent
• Living your life regardless

The Bottom Line

Intent questioning is another way OCD tries to keep you trapped in analysis rather than living your life. The solution isn't to figure out your "true" intentions - it's to accept that you might never know for certain, and that's okay.

Your actions in the present moment matter more than analyzing the intent behind past actions or potential future ones. When you stop feeding the intent-questioning cycle with analysis and instead respond with uncertainty, you take away its power to control your life.

Trust that your moral compass is there in the background, guiding you naturally. You don't need to consciously examine every intention to be a good person.